My partner recently brought something to my attention. I’m honestly baffled that he noticed it before I did… That it bothered him so much that he was ANGRY by the time he filled me in…
He didn’t like the way some people talked to our kid, not one bit. And, neither did I when I realized that he wasn’t being dramatic but that I was subconsciously trying to brush it off & “not make a big deal out of it”… (Confrontation kind of sucks most times)
It wasn’t kind. It was necessary. It wasn’t respectful.
Can I just ask a question? Well, I’m going to either way so, bear with me as I foresee a bit of a rant coming on…
Why is it okay to talk to children in a manner that we would never talk to other adults in?!?
**Awkward silence**
Yeah. Exactly. It’s NOT okay.
Now, let me be clear. This is coming from a less than perfect mom. Have you seen that sponsored post on your newsfeed with the tee that says “world’s okayest mom?” Well, feel free to send one my way cause’ I truly believe it depicts me best. What I’m trying to say is, I still slip & use baby talk sometimes. I still lose my shit sometimes (more than I’d like to admit.) I sound super annoying when I’m trying to find a way to make sense of or show my toddler something & then realize he knows better than I do… Just to remind you that we’re all on a level playing field here…
While I totally remind myself on a very regular basis that talking to my son like he is less than, owes me anything or isn’t well, human? Isn’t okay, I need to remember this. Because I know how easy it is to underestimate him without intentionally doing so or forget that being his parent doesn’t mean using authority to control him… But, he understands, he feels, he hears, he is involved in the conversations… Just like WE ARE – Us adults, us fellow humans standing right in front of them.
The problem is. Other people forget. Family, friends, even total strangers. And, I haven’t quite mastered how to gently point that out or umm… Ask them to STOP %&$#?@! talking to my kid like that?!?
It happens a lot now that I’ve taken notice. The moms who step in to referee every 2 seconds at the playground, the family member who never has anything all that nice to say or the friends, who goodness do we love them but just because they have 5 more kids than we do, don’t need to include our son in their commandment round up…
Can we all just agree to stop parenting each other’s kids? If so, that’d make my life a whole lot easier since I want to scream at you but instead I wait until you’re gone & get all crazy about it to my boyfriend when I get home…
When our children are playing gleefully at the playground & yours gets a little too rough with mine, I can just about promise you that I’ll wait it out a minute or ten. Cause’ chances are they will either realize they were just being a little over zealous with the sand or get over it. If that’s not the case, they might say something to each other… Yeah, they might just work it out, talk about their feelings & *gasp* say sorry without being coached to do so. And, if all else fails, they’ll likely come running up to one or both of us, to which I’ll reply to my son, “please don’t tattle on your friend. As long as you’re not hurt or in danger, I don’t want to hear it. Respect his body & ask him to please respect yours. Now go back to playing.”
BUT, when my son gets a little too rough with your kid, as they do… and you try to CONTROL the situation like you have some magical super powers that turn children into little puppets that do whatever you tell them… And well, you take it upon yourself to tell my son what he can & cannot do, it upsets me.
Now, you might have a slightly different way of doing things & that is A OKAY. I am seriously the best advocate for saying, “What works for one may not work for all…”
But since we can all be so different & I feel different things, I must tell you how I feel… It upsets me when you accuse him of something he didn’t do, when you uninvitedly offer assistance when he is fully capable, when you tell him he is something he is not or even when you yell or raise your voice at him for hitting your kid.
Sometimes my kid is wrong. He does naughty things. He acts out. He says inappropriate words. He throws toys & tantrums and he even intentionally hurts other people at times.
He is learning to express himself – with our guidance.
Our guidance means, we are typically not too far away when these things happen & believe it or not, we are fully capable of taking action when needed. So, if I don’t jump to my feet to reprimand the situation as soon as the first shriek leaves one child’s mouth than don’t panic. If my eyes are glued to my cellphone instead of on my kid (which happens to all of us) than do me a solid & yell my way, not his. If you think my son did something you’d like to know about, ask him a simple question rather than interrogating him.
Our children are human.
They deserve respect, kindness, empathy, forgiveness, faith, grace & all the things that we deserve & expect as adults.
Can we all do a better job of offering this kind of exchange to our own children & in turn, not trying to parent anyone else’s?
Many thanks,
PS: You know you were just waiting for someone else to say this so, you didn’t have to. I know how you feel… So, go ahead, click the share button & let my boldness do the confronting for you. You’re welcome 😉
Lol! I honestly can say if my child is being a total brat I would rather have a close friend or family member say..hey let’s not act like that please .. parents that just let their kids run wild and crazy bug me more..not saying you do! But a stranger or yelling or acting holier than thou..hell to the no! Lol
Exactly my point. I have literally had a family member tell my son that she won’t come back to my house anymore if my son acts naughty again. Like really, I totally undermine myself sometimes by setting unrealistic standards but the kid didn’t want to take a bath when we had company and I didn’t respond to him immediately because I didn’t want to feed into his behavior…. He was looking for attention. See what I mean? Thanks for your insight!
Totally! I would have said well guess your not coming back then! Lol
Except we want to see the kids… but my thought exactly…
Great post!
Thank you for visiting!
We should all just mind our own business and support each other instead of sharing our two cents about everything! I completely agree with you
Then again, where would I share my big mouth two cents if I didn’t hide behind my blog? haha… but so true! Thanks for stopping by!
Love this! I feel the exact same way and you expressed it wonderfully!
haha so I didn’t scare you away then? Thanks for reading! Come back again, if you dare… 😉
You´re so right!! Love this post, thanks for sharing!
Thank you for stopping by!
There are SO many different ways to parent and unfortunately some people think their way is the right way. Sometimes an awkward confrontation at the park can teach them a thing or two. Kids need to duke it out sometimes and of course those parents only notice when their kid is on the receiving end and not the giving end. Usually I like to redirect, because honestly we have a choice in who we play with and I want my son to know that! Great read!
Yes! I should’ve had you share some guest insight on this one… Perfectly noted Meredith. We are only guiding them NOT controlling them…
Oh girl. It’s so hard to figure out how to say these things. Well said!
So, so hard! Sometimes, I wish I wouldn’t let it build up until I burst at the seams and sound like a total bitch but well.. it happened. Thanks for reading!
Oh I loved this post- glad I found your blog. you offer great insight to this crazy world of parenting. Its also a good reminder for me to take notice of how I talk to my kiddos!! Thx! Have a great week- xo
We all need a little crash course sometimes, myself included! I was just saying above who I found that I talk more kindly to other people’s kids than I do my own… I’ve got some work to do. Thanks for hanging in the trenches with me <3
Yes! Just the other day, a cashier told my daughter to be quiet. I use to avoid confrontation, but that was too much. I found a manager to say I wouldn’t be back – I am my child’s parent. I will take care of the situation.
Perfectly said.
Who do people think they are these days? Generally speaking, I’m a really nice, easy going, confrontation- avoiding person (hence hiding behind my post) but this had to be said and now I feel like I sounds like a total bitch 😉
Oh my lanta yes! Except that I realized I am actually an offender sometimes! It drives me absolutely NUTS but when I read this I saw that I do it! Thanks for calling me (and countless others) out on this.
hehe… In a totally non-judgmental way, you’re welcome 😉
Yes ma’am! I find this the hardest with family members. I think because we’re related they think it’s OK to chime in with all the kids we have running around. Well said, mama!!
OH YES. I couldn’t agree more. Family is toughest. We have a family member who talks to my son in a way she’d never talk to her own daughter…she also hasn’t experienced toddlerhood yet… Anywho, I try to be so mindful of that. Honestly, the more I take notice, I was ashamed that sometimes I am WAYYY nicer to other people’s kids than I am my own… It is an eye opener!
This is a tough situation from either side…and I’ve been on both! 🙂 What it all boils down to though is that my child doesn’t need another parent other than her God-given ones. I’ve become more aware of that since having kiddo #2, and I tend to let her get more real world “experience” than I did with my first. One thing that frustrates me is when people make comments about how I choose to parent my child when they don’t even know anything about her health and conditions that cause us struggles. Ugh. Thank you for writing this!
Oh gosh, I can’t imagine your struggles but commenting on someone else’s parenting is the WORST. Having a healthy exchange of opinions & ideas with close friends & families is one thing but it really feels like a stab in the heart when people undermine me in front of my child!
I agree!! I just try to model positive and respectful parenting, and hope others catch on to how well (mutual) respect works out. Sorry if someone hasn’t been respecting you and your child – that is so hard to deal with. Keep doing, you – and the world will evolve toward positivity, eventually.
Thank you for the reminder… Sometimes I just want to run away to live on a private island with only like-minded mamas 😉
Take me with you!
Ooohhh, I love you for writing this!! I couldn’t agree more. I am such a work in progress, but I feel very strongly about treating children with the same amount of kindness, dignity and respect that we do to adults – because that’s what we are raising them into!
It is sooo sooo hard at times. I will NEVER claim to have it all figured out but if anyone’s gunna mess up on my kid, it’s gunna be me and not someone else 😉
Great read. I feel the same way. Respect them as you would respect an adult.
Absolutely! Thanks for reading!
I absolutely agree with this!!! The number one thing I learned with my kiddos, is that they are just learning how to be socially acceptable humans. We adults KNOW not to make our friends eat grass….or well they wont be our friends anymore. HAHAHAHA Our kids have to be explained and taught these things and its not by yelling or screaming or belittling comments. We have to mirror the very thing we are asking of them to be!
Absolutely! Even if I’d like to make people eat grass sometimes ?